Day 5
Matthew would have loved today. The Buffalo brilliant sun, fresh snow, and mild temperature made it a perfect day to be outside. He loved the outdoors…winter, spring, summer, and fall…and made the most out of the weather which we had. He loved skating in the winter. When he was a little boy, we skated as a family a couple times a week. When Matthew was 4, he started playing hockey. Every team he played on, whether it was mini-mites, bantam major, high school prep, or college varsity “B” hockey, Matthew worked extremely hard to be a good teammate and player. Along with his family and some teachers, some of the most influential people in Matt’s life were his teammates and coaches, not only in hockey, but also football, and lacrosse.
If I knew then, what I know now, my children would not have played contact sports. I don’t take that statement lightly. I know these sports have given my children so much and have truly made them who they are. I also believe these sports are what robbed my son of his life.
When our children were little, the six of us had so much fun together (minus the regular disputes when one of us got too competitive). We played together all the time. When our kids first started playing organized sports, it was enjoyable for all of us, at first. There was something pretty interesting about seeing our little ones enjoying the same sports we did when we were children. After a year or two, things changed, and we realized the sports we enjoyed in our youth were vastly different than our children’s chosen sports. Soon came the travel teams, the sports camps, the clinics, the showcases...it was a never-ending blur of activity and stress. All of a sudden, our family time was being ripped apart with some of the us being in one city and others being in another city and still another one going with a teammate to be in a third city. It seemed like this was the new routine almost every single weekend. I longed for our family time back again. I remember warning other younger mothers to be careful of these travel teams. I told them that if I had to do it all over again, instead of playing on these competitive teams, we should have have gone on more hikes, climbed more mountains, ridden more bikes, swam in more waters, skied on more hills, etc. Whenever my kids would overhear me saying that and they disagreed with me. They were having fun playing their sports.
Sports helped my children learn how important it was to work together towards a common goal. Sports taught them what hard work was all about. They learned to work to solve and deal with problems while under all kinds of pressure. They learned about rejection and not getting picked for a team and losing graciously when they gave it their all. They learned how to be a leader and win without gloating. They learned what it meant to be a good teammate. They also usually had a ton of fun doing it. Some of their fondest memories, outside of family times, were associated with particular games they played, or particular teams they played on, or particular teammates they played with.
Little did I know the contact sports my kids were playing were slowly but surely damaging their brains. I didn’t start researching this until Matthew started struggling after the two hits to his head in a college football game. Before Matthew’s struggles, I never knew anyone who didn’t recover from a concussion. Shortly after his concussions is when I first learned about post-concussion syndrome. Then I read about persistent concussion syndrome. And sub-concussive hits. Then chronic traumatic encephalopathy. The more I researched the more worried I became. I learned about how children under the age of 14 should not be exposed to these contact sports because of sub-concussive hits and concussions. I also learned that sports and concussions are a big business. There are some who are saying that contact sports aren’t the problem—their philosophy is “blame the treatment, not the tackle”. They also imply the young adults who may end up with mental health problems were most likely pre-disposed to mental illness. Yet, others believe that the regular sub-concussive hits and concussions under the age of 14 are the problem, and these hits have changed the structure of our children’s brains, causing serious lifelong damage in a significant number of our youth. Which side do we listen to? It’s a no brainer for me.
After all of my research, I knew in my heart what caused Matthew’s mental health problems. It was the years and years and years of sub-concussive hits and the concussions which he never told us about. It was also the way he played every single game in every single helmet sport he played---he was a warrior on the field and on the ice. He would get knocked down and would come right back up for more. One time he was playing modified football and somehow while he was playing, five brackets of his braces got shoved up deep into his gums. He kept playing with no complaints. He would do anything for a victory with his teammates, and he was not afraid to use his body to win a game. I believe science will someday find that these constant head collisions are just the tip of the iceberg in regard to the mental health issues some of our young athletes are having.
Those who may be suffering can’t lose hope. There have been significant advancements over the past few years, and there will be a time when the scientists can not only understand the brain better, but there will be better treatments for those who are suffering from brain trauma.
After Matthew’s passing, we were invited to join the Concussion Legacy Foundation (CLF) Family Community. Even though there are some amazing people in it, it is a club that no one ever wants to be invited to. The community consists of other families who had loved ones pass after they suffered from some sort of brain trauma or cte. Many of the stories are eerily similar to Matthew’s story. As members of this community, we are informed of the latest research in how the doctors and scientists are working diligently, trying to make advancements in treating those with different types of brain trauma. We know there is hope, and some day there will be more help for those who are currently suffering. We felt so strongly about the role the Concussion Legacy Foundation plays in the research and treatment of concussions, along with the care of those who are currently suffering and those who passed away from concussion-related issues, that we decided One Last Goal should became a supporting sponsor for the CLF 2020 virtual fundraising gala titled “It’s Time for Mental Health”. It truly is time for mental health.
Today:
1. I donated to Patrick Risha’s Stop CTE foundation. This foundation was set up by Patrick’s family to help others in their awareness of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (cte). I believe Karen, Patrick’s mother, feels the same as I do—one way to prevent cte is to not participate in contact sports. This foundation currently has a 15-second video which is airing on tv. It’s called “Choose Brain-Safe Sports” and I feel it sums up our worries about contact sports. It can be found at https://stopcte.org/
2. For my act of kindness, I wanted to thank a person who is studying neuroscience. If it wasn’t for these scientists, we would never have hope that we could find a treatment or a cure for those whose brains were damaged through trauma. I decided to recognize one neuroscience major with a small gift.
3. Today, I walked outside in the snow, on the golf course, for 2 miles and 6,000 steps. If my calculations are correct, 2 x 6,000 equals 12,000. That was how I got the number 12 for the day.
As Matthew once wrote, “Dark gray clouds have plagued us for some time now, but bright blue skies are up ahead.”
We can’t lose hope. We can never lose hope.